If you had a fight with a friend, or any other dear person in your life, what would you like to hear?
• FORGIVE ME or
• PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME
I wouldn't be wrong if I say that you would like to hear the first statement rather than the second. Right?
What if I tell you that those two statements are exactly the same?
What if I tell you that both statements contain the same request, directed towards you?
Would you agree with me?
My experience has taught me that, Yes – The two statements have the very same meaning. Other person directly asks for forgiveness, in attempt to restore the relationship with you, or may ask for understanding which is another form of forgiveness when he still doesn’t know how to express a request for forgiveness, or is difficult to put himself in more difficult situation. That doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t really want forgiveness, it is just a natural instinct to prevent our self of discomfort and mild humiliation. Directly asking for forgiveness requires enormous emotional stretching. We all have this self defending mechanism and we don’t have the right to accuse anyone on this.
They both mean the same. It is our pride and ego that makes the difference in the two and gives us greater satisfaction when we hear request for forgiveness rather than request for understanding. They are both ways for a person that cherishes you to approach and love you again. It is mostly us who make that difference and fail to understand the other person.
If we agree to understand that, it would means that we also have to accept some personal responsibility for the situation which makes us uncomfortable because it is easier to assume that the other party is fully accountable and we are the ones who suffer, the martyrs.
If we are asked forgiveness, then we subconsciously we glorify ourselves as winners, the other person admits the mistake and admits that he needs us more than we need them.
That gives us short term satisfaction. But is this really the right thing?
What is best to do?
Start accepting requests for understanding and contemplate on them genuinely.
They also mean requests for forgiveness
Strive to be able to understand more than to be able to forgive!
Once you learn to understand, the balance will be easier restored and there might be even no need for seeking forgiveness.
On the other side, once the other person feels completely understood, will ask you for forgiveness without you having the need of it.
Sometimes it really can be that simple.
